So today, after much deliberation I went and bought the second pair of shoes for inside. I ended up buying the exact same style in a different color, even though esthetically i liked them less but they just fit better. My shoes are Nike airs and no air no love !! So I was very fortunate to have my running buddy with me, to officially start week two. I really must say it was the hardest run so far, when i looked at the overviews I thought yeah week one run 60 seconds OK .. week two run 90 seconds yeah that sounds reasonable. Or not, it killed my feet my toes were burning and chaos and AHHHH! I think the run would have been okay if it weren't for my feet. It was really the hardest emotional battle i have encountered yet, Halfway through, i had to literally chant out loud I can do this i can do this, I'm halfway done i can do this, yes i can. I didn't care that there was another person in the gym, I really was scared that I was going to fail miserably, I didnt think about letting anyone down just the though of failure pushed me to finish, The last 2 min of my walk i was hold back tears from the pain in my feet ! As the treadmill stopped I got off and sat on the end with my feet just burning and throbbing, I couldn't believe it 2 days ago I was on top of the world and now i sit here inches from failure, what happened ? I guess it was time for my body to take my ego down a few pegs.I am worried that the motivation will not be there to run on Sunday. But I have to !!
I think now when I die ( i know morbid thought) I want to be known as the woman that fought and won her battle with obesity, I want my kids to learn by example, to be healthy not to eat for any reason but nourishment. I want treats to be special time with mom and dad. I love my kids and I don't want this struggle with this ever, and I want them to be proud of me. I don't want them to grow up in school and their teachers recognize me by my size or their classmates tease them because their mom is fat. I don't want to be trapped in my own body anymore.
I have been meaning to take my measurements as I know I have lost a few inches, I can tell by the way that my pants fit. I am a little scared that I could loose this battle, but that needs to be not an option. I am empowered today but not nearly as much as I normally after a run. I feel more exhausted as though I just fought an epic battle and won by the skin of my arse. I must remember I CAN !!!