Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Why am I doing this ?
It has occurred to me that a large part of the reason i am doing this is in the hopes that it will make me important to someone, and I know it will but probably not in the way I originally intended. If you treat me like crap now and then I get thin, what will change ? and if you treat me differently do I want you in my life? Probably not. I guess the harsh reality is that under my uber positive exterior is a very insecure person who feels worthless and I attribute that to my weight. This is affecting every inch of my life and not in ways that I like, I notice that effects my marriage, a lot ! I seem to have built a wall around myself, i dot know if I can bring it down, its funny ( well not really) that writing this actually makes me feel bad I see what I am doing to my life and I know who can stop it, I just feel helpless on the inside. I hope one day i can help myself, but right now I don't know how and when, if i even can.