Well week one is offically over! I complete my last run of week one at the rec center, but it was not without its bumps.
On the previous night I decided I would run at the rec center at 10am, my husband would drop me off and pick me up an hour later. I get out and tell my husband to wait 2 min in case the fitness room is closed. Well the whole place is closed !! till 1.. so i resolve to come back later!
My husband and kids came with me and swam in the pool while I ran, My husband took the kids to get changed I went to the ladies room to get my running gear on. I get to the change room and realize that I have left my runners in the car, I go back out to get them and return to the change room and get changed, I grab my water, my MP3 player and get to the glass door of the fitness room .... Every single treadmill is occupied... oh nooo ! And to top it off there are 8- 10 people in there. I return to the change room.What am I going to do ? people ? running in public? my pride says "F that!" I sit for 5 min and talk myself out of my self defeat to go and do what i gotta do.
Sure enough when I get back one tread mill is empty, Of course its the different one, so i hope its similar to use. I get on and start my walk, there is a guy directly beside me and I really wanna look at him but feel it ould be rude, but i can see his arms. His arms are well built and have a tattoo of an arm band, all i can think is hes probably young and hot and here's my fat but running beside him, i am soooo out of place.
By my second running revolution my calves start to hurt, usually its the pain under my ribs on the right side, not today, needless to say id rather the chest pain ( although the calf pain scares me less). I keep telling myself that I can run through it, the pain lasted 3 or 4 revolutions. And I did run through it, because I CAN!! As I run I peek at the guy beside me and the girl on the stationary bike to my left. I am very surprised when i realize that the man beside me is at least 40 and the girl is pretty and slim but not creepy thin. A man gets on another now vacant treadmill and he is short, with a shaved head and not a thin man. Suddenly it hits me I BELONG HERE !! the only person who thinks twice about my presence here is me ! Everyone else could care less.I feel pretty darn good about this I must admit.
I realized halfway through my run that an old cotton tank top with lace edging is not a good choice, the yoga tank top that i am very self conscious about wearing was a much better choice!
While leaving with my family, a lady is sitting in the foyer its the lady that took my and K's picture 2 days ago :) we chat and I tell her about my blog and how to find it. I hope that if she finds it and reads it, that she is not offended by my comment about her looking not very friendly, That was my problem not hers. I wonder how many people I have alienated in my life out of sheer jelousy. If anyone I have ever done this to reads this .. I am so sorry. We get into our mini van and i learn that my husband told the kids if they were good in the change room they could have a special treat. this is a parenting tactic we use a lot, and the treat usually equates to food. I realize that I have to stop this, I need to make sure that my kids have healthy eating habits. This is not good and as parents we will be talking about it tonight. He wants us to go to dairy queen, I kibosh that right away !! no way !! I stop at the grocery store and steer away from the bread and cake type section and towards produce, I buy some red delicious apples ( my kids eat at least one a day) they are one sale and a beautiful deep red. i cruise down the meat section and look at the isles and think .. no i want to get something better than well, processed foods. A light goes off in my head and i pick up a bag of raisins and get some celery. I know we have peanut butter at home ! We go home put the baby down for a nap have snack building in teh kitchen, the kids love it!! I realize that our diet is changing, the last time I went through a grocery store without buying .. well crap chocolate, chips, pop.. well its been a while.
Last stop on the way home, the gas station to pick up 2 Dr peppers, one for today cause im craving it and haven't had ANY pop today ! and the other is for tomorrow, We have decoded that when we move we will not buy pop to have in the house, for now I'm going to try and stay strong at one a day, then move to one can a day then every 2 days, until I phase it out almost completely. All in all it was a great day i feel like i overcame a huge emotional barrier .. or at least got a leg up on it. Thanks to those of you who comment and send me facebook messages it really helps me stay strong:)
Well im off to download week 2 now :0
Congratulations!! You have discovered what it took me many years to figure out. Strangers don't care what you look like, you generally don't matter to them they are more concerned with themselves and the things in their lives. Often family and friends don't support your weight loss as they are worried you will change and not want them in your life. Keep your focus and remember the little train that COULD!! Mary
ReplyDeleteYay, I Really enjoy reading your blog posts Melissa, You are totally real and true. A lot of your fears are thoughts that I often have too when I have gone to a gym, have not been in a very long time. you are inspiring me to get back into swimming, in a more real way. I am so very proud of you honey, keep it up, i know that you can reach any goal you set for yourself.
ReplyDelete